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Comment: Again, sorry about the caps. Once again, this was a
response to an enraged capslock rant. I remember a revolutionary
firebomber named Lemati figured out that I was responding senselessly
to all-caps posts, and started to bait me with some of his/her own.
I don't remember whether I ever went for it or not. By the way, even I have trouble reading this rubbish, and I wrote it. So good luck. |
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| Psychic Multi-Client Hunter | ||
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DAMN, MAN, I'M WITH YOU ALL THE WAY! GODFORSAKEN MULTI-WHATSITS MAKIN' IT SO'S I CAN'T LOG IN AND SPREAD DA LOVE! CHARGE DOWN THE GUNS, MAN, I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU! AN' IF YOU AIN'T GOT A PLAN THAT'S OKAY CAUSE I SURE AS HELL GOT ONE FOR LOCATIN' ALL THEM MULTI-WHOSITS AND DISCONNECTING 'EM FROM THIS MORTAL STARTER COIL, AS BILLY SHAKESPEAK WOULD SAY. (NOT THAT I REALLY GET IT.) WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOWS THIS BUT I COME FROM A VERY PSYCHIC FAMILY. PERSONALLY, I CAN'T BEND SPOONS LIKE SOME LITTLE BALDY ENGLISH BOY IN A YELLOW DRESS JUST BY PRETENDIN' IT AIN'T THERE, BUT I RECKON I CAN LOCATE A HANDFUL OF OPPORTUNISTS ACTING LIKE TWO OR THREE OR EVEN FIVE PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE ACTUALLY ONLY ONE. YOU SEE, FOLKS WHO SPLIT THEIR MIND LIKE THAT GIVE OFF AN INCOHERENT AURA, I DON'T THINK I CAN POSSIBLY EXPLAIN THIS IN A WAY THAT YOU SPIRITUALLY PRIMITIVE FOLKS'LL UNDERSTAND (NO OFFENSE) SO I'LL JUST SAY THIS. MOST HONEST, WELL-MEANIN' FOLKS IS RICE KRISPIES, CORN FLAKES, MAYBE EVEN COCOA PUFFS- ALL PRETTY HOMOGENEOUS CEREALS. ON THE OTHER MITTEN, DUPLICITOUS FOLKS WHO'S ALWAYS SCHEMING AND SAYIN' ONE THING AND MEANIN' ANOTHER, OR ACTING LIKE TWO DIFFERENT FOLKS- WELL THEY'S LIKE CRISPIX (CORN ON ONE SIDE RICE ON THE FLIP SIDE) OR SUGAR COATED MINI WHEATS OR ANY OTHER TWO-FACED BREAKFAST. WE'RE TALKIN' TOAST AND MARMALADE HERE, UNLESS SOME HONEST FOOL DONE BUTTERED HIS TOAST ON BOTH SIDES. I THINK I MAY HAVE STRAYED FROM THE POINT SOME, BUT I HAVES ME SOME GREAT SPIRITUAL ANCESTRY. MY MOM CAN TELL IF ANYONE IN THE STATE OF NORTH DAKOTA IS EATING EVEN THOUGH THEY AREN'T REALLY THAT HUNGRY, LIKE WHEN THEY'RE BORED OR JUST ON A FIRST DATE AND ARE TOO NERVOUS TO FILL THEIR TUMMIES. SOMETIMES SHE EVEN CALLS 'EM AND SAYS, "HEY, PUT THAT BACK IN THE FRIDGE YOU AIN'T EVEN HUNGRY!" THEN SHE HANGS UP AND WE LAUGH AND LAUGH. MY UNCLE JESSUP, ON THE OTHER HAND, CAN BEND ALL SORTS A TRINKETS WITH HIS MIND. HALF THE LOCAL OLD FOLKS' HOME IS OVER HERE EVERY DAY, CLAIMIN' HE'S THE DESCENDENT OF ST. JEROME, AND COULD HE PLEASE USE HIS POWERFUL INTELLECT TO STRAIGHTEN OUT THEIR KNITTING NEEDLES? I FOR ONE RESPECT HIS ABILITIES, THOUGH I RECKON HE LACKS FOCUS. LAST EASTER WE WERE ALL AT DINNER, AND YAKKIN' LIKE WE ALWAYS DO. (NO, WE WAS YAKKIN' LIKE NORMAL FOLKS, NOT WITH OUR MINDS- THAT WOULDN'T BE FAIR TO THE UNPSYCHIC MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY. THEY CAN'T CONNECT TO THE OTHER SIDE WORTH CRAP, BUT WE LET THEM ANSWER THE HOTLINE ANYWAYS IF WE'RE INVOLVED IN A GAME OF CARDS OR SOMETHING AND CAN'T BE BOTHERED.) BACK TO JESSUP. SO, JESSUP SAYS, "PASS THE GRAVY," BUT AIN'T NOONE HEARIN' HIM SO THEY JUST KEEP TALKIN'. AND HE ASKS AGAIN AND AGAIN GETTING MADDER AND MADDER AND ACCOURSE I CAN HEAR HIM BUT I WANTS TO SEE HIM MOVE THE GRAVY WITH HIS MIND SO I JUST KEEP QUIET. WELL, SOON HE'S HAD ENOUGH AND HIS FACE GOES ALL CONTORTED AND THE GRAVY STARTS TO... GRANDPA FALLS FACE FIRST INTO HIS BUTTERNUT SQUASH! WELL, WE CALLED THE AMBULANCE (NO, WITH THE PHONE, YOU DUMBASS) AND HOURS LATER THE SURGEON COMES OUT CARRYIN' GRANDPAPPY'S INTERNAL PACEMAKER AND IT'S PRETTY MUCH BEEN TWISTED INTO THE SHAPE OF A SMALL TOP HAT. (JESSUP LOVES MONOPOLY.) WELL, I DON'T THINK ANYONE ELSE KNOWS WHAT *REALLY* HAPPENED, BUT JESSUP DON'T DO SO MUCH PSYCHIC JUGGLIN' SO MORE. GRANDPA'S ALL DEAD AND STUFF, BUT WE STILL TALK TO HIM WITH OUR PARKER BROTHERS OUIJA BOARD, SO NO HARM DONE. IN FACT, HE USED TO SMELL MIGHTY QUEER, BUT HIS SPIRIT REMINDS ME OF A BAR OF IRISH SPRING, COMPLETE WITH WHISTLING LEPRECHAUN, WHICH IS A PLUS. YOU MAY BE ASKIN' YOURSELF, WHY WOULD I USE KHWAJ TO TRACK DOWN THESE MULTI-SPANKS WHEN I COULD CALL A POPULARLY-TRUSTED PROFESSIONAL PSYCHIC LIKE MISS CLEO? THAT OLD FRAUD? PEOPLE THINKS SHE'S CONNECTED JUST CAUSE SHE FAKES A JAMAICAN ACCENT AND DRESSES LIKE A LADY OUT OF A 1960'S COLORING BOOK PRINTED IN JOHANNESBURG. GET THAT COLOURED PICNIC CLOTH OFF YER DURN HEAD, WOMAN, IT'S BLOCKIN' THE WAVES! SHE AIN'T GOT ENOUGH SPIRITUAL ENERGY TO FILL AN EGG CUP, AND HER PSYCHIC PING TIMES ARE WAYYY BELOW MINE. NEAR AS I CAN FIGURE, SHE EXPERIENCES ABOUT 70% PSYCHIC PACKET LOSS. I KNOW THAT MUMU-WEARIN' FRAUDULENT PLANET'S SECRET, THOUGH. YOU CALL UP, AND SHE DITHERS ABOUT TO JACK UP HER EARNINGS, THEN WHAM! YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS CHEATING ON YOU. SHE SAYS THAT CAUSE IT'S WHAT EVERY GUY EXPECTS TO HEAR. THEY GET ALL, "OH REALLY?!?" AND THEN START MISTRUSTIN' THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. wELL, SHE TOLD ME THE SAME THING AND IT WAS A LOAD A CODSWALLOP! SO OKAY I FOUND MY JESSIE IN BED WITH ANOTHER MAN THAT SAME AFTERNOON BUT THAT WAS CAUSE SHE WAS SO HAMMERED SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHO HE WASN'T ME AND BESIDES HE'S FROM THE SAME TRAILER PARK, PRACTICALLY FAMILY, SO THAT DON'T COUNT AGAINST HER AT ALL! I'VE ALREADY FOUND ONE OF THE MOST DECEITFUL MULTI-THINGERS ANYWAYS. YES, IT TURNS OUT THAT ALL THE CHARS NAMED "PALADIN OF THE [WHATEVER]" ARE THE SAME DUDE FROM TRENTON, NEW JERSEY. ONE DAY I HAD JUST SAT DOWN TO TIBIA AND IT FELT LIKE I WAS EATING A 20-SIDED PIECE OF TOAST (DODECATOASTRON FOR YOU GEOMETRIC FOLKS) WITH A DIFFERENT BRAND OF JAM ON EACH FACE. I POKED AROUND A BIT AND SOON FOUND 'EM ALL TRAININ' IN A HUGE CIRCLE NORTH OF CARLIN. PALADIN IN THE BARREL WAS CHUCKIN' SPEARS AT PALADIN BEHIND THE SHED WHO WAS SHOOTIN' BOLTS AT PALIDIN OF CREATIVE SPELLING WHO WAS WHEW! WELL YOU GET MY POINT THEY WAS ALL IN A BIG TRAININ' CIRCLE AND SOMEONE IN TRENTON HAS A MONITOR WITH LIKE 200 MINIMISED TIBIA CLIENTS ON IT! THAT'S ABOUT ENOUGH FROM ME. IF YOU EVER FEEL LIKE HUNTIN' DOWN SOME MULTI-BREAKFAST, NO NEED TO CALL, JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND FOCUS ON OL' KHWAJ. I'LL BE HAPPY TO LOCATE A FEW FOR YA! (OH, IF YOU FOCUS AN' YOU HEAR SOMETHIN' LIKE AN OLD STEAM ENGINE CLIMBIN' A HILL, GIVE ME 30 SECONDS OR SO. JESSIE'S PROLLY SMASHED AGAIN BUT THIS TIME IT'S ME! :D) SPIRITUALLY YOURS, KHWAJ |
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